The Dude's Season Review

An honest man's take on the season that was "It's just my opinion, man"
by Herman Goalville | July 8, 2024, 6:10 PM ET

Well, every now and then you gotta do a favor for a friend. And The Dude always repays a favor. I was asked a while ago to write a review of the season that was for the Jacksonville Gators. And I gotta say, it took some doin, cuz this year’s season was a bit of a bummer, man. There were some bright spots, and I’m sure I could go into how great the future will be, but man, it’s a hot summer, and those white russians won’t drink themselves…

So here we go:


They Played Tier

 I don’t even know what to say, other than they played on the team. Really, The Dude just doesn't really even know who they are, you know? We’ll call them Diamonds in the rough. Really in the rough. Like Jimmy Buffet’s tee-off the morning after Margharita Monday

 Oliver Galipeau (-20, 3 pts). Connor Mackey (-14 4 pts).  Connor Corcoran (-29, 12 points) . Josh Dunne (-21, 12 points)


I'm sure there's other unsung heroes, but there's only so much fact-checking The Dude does. Next tier:


Totally Out of His Element

I mean out like Walter at a pacifist rally. These gents couldn’t find the net without a map and a flashlight. It’s just a travesty to put these young guys out there- like Walter says it was like in ‘Nam! 

Nick Cicek - 22 year old defenseman 80 penalty minutes. 148 hits. 118 shots blocked. Ouch!

Calen Addison- 22 year old defenseman. Averaging over 23 minutes a night. Not a bad .04 points per 20 minutes played

Matthew Robertson - 21 year old defenseman. 126 hits. 96 blocked shots. Good thing you’re old enough to get some ice in your white russian. 

Lassi Thomson- 22 year old defenseman. 91 Hits. 86 blocked shots. 

Jesse Puljujarvi- 24 year old right wing. Our first forward on this list. 1 goal in 24 games doesn’t seem like a good ratio to The Dude


Just Kinda There

These fellas were pretty laid back, and did enough to get by- kind of like The Dude. I really think I nailed the title of this tier.

Brendan Gallagher- 12 in 55 and not a lot else to say for this right winger. Bummer man.

Erik Gustafsson- An offensive defenseman. Well, I mean, I found him offensive. 5 points in 20, I don’t see the hype

Justin Danforth- (C/RW) You got some shots and some passes in, but meh. 

Eetu Luostarinen- Yeah. 

Henrik Borgstrom- I like the name. Reminds me of Star Trek: Next Generation. Sadly resistance was fertile. 


Really Holds The Team Together

These gentlemen abide. Yessir. Not quite legendary, but these cats looked effortlessly cool, like The Dude’s favorite bathrobe

Mason Appleton- The defensive forward with great control

 Zach Bogosian- One of two shutdown brothers

Jonas Brodin- The other shutdown brother

Stefan Noesen- He noes what’s up

Denis Gurianov. 96 hits, plus 26 points. On this team, that’s gravy man

Sonny Milano. Was a -30 on the season, but also had 31 points…so The Dude’s math says that’s even.

Hunter Shepard- Any goalie on this team is a hero just for showing up. Thank you for your service, sir!


Final tier

I was going to call this the unstoppable tier, but in Jacksonville, there were plenty of tears, and not all of them have dried yet. But there’s hope with these fellas on the squad. These gentlemen are like Walter in his element.

Jake Allen- Goalie. Knows a good rug when he sees one.

Tomas Tatar- Legend. Goes by Tuna, and that’s good enough for The Dude

Kailer Yamamoto- Top scorer. Enough said.


Well, that’s all from The Duderino publishing service. I look forward to “tuna-ing” in next year. Hopefully some of those young’uns down on the farm will be able to make their way up. I hear some good noise about them… 



Log in to view or add comments.