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Choose Your Own Adventure: Fire Ants Style!

by Brother Lee Love | January 30, 2019, 4:21 PM ET
The Fire Ants approach a fork in the road under the light of the full moon. The road to the left leads to a dark mysterious cemetery, full of long dead trade negotiations and the rotting bones of free agents they didn't bid high enough on. The road on the right leads to a happy little village full of hope, dreams and a consistent Tuukka Rask.

Which path shall the Fire Ants travel?

Choose wisely!

(Turn to page 22 to tank)

(Turn to page 43 to load up)

 

Page 22: The creaky cemetery gates open to reveal a dark, foggy abyss of graves and crypts both old and new. As you approach the mausoleum at it's centre, you pass gravestones which read: “Power Play”, “Alex Steen” and “Bragging Rights”. Entering the mausoleum, you hear a disembodied voice moan “Abandon all playoff hopes, ye who enter here! Who dares disturb the slumber of the Ghost of Missed Playoffs, who has haunted this graveyard since the 2014-2015 season?”

Knowing that the evil spirit demands a sacrifice, what do you do?

(Turn to page 17 to acquire a UFA forward such as Alexander Steen, Trevor Lewis, Vladimir Sobotka, Mark Letestu, Benoit Pouliot or Nikolai Kulemin)

(Turn to page 56 to acquire a UFA dman such as Ron Hainsey, Daniel Girardi or Ben Lovejoy)

(Turn to page 60 to acquire James Reimer)

(Turn to page 37 to overpay for Joe Pavelski or Alec Martinez)

(Turn to page 43 to flee, double back, and head to the happy village)

 

Page 43: As you approach the merry village, music fills the air and the dark night sky turns to a sunshine-y blue. Rainbows seem to converge from all directions onto the town square, where happy little Puckaloos dance and sing their happy tunes. You are filled with a feeling of hope and confidence. James Reimer is there, smiling as he plays the Crossbar Harp for his new friends. Next to him, at the very centre of the village square, the Puckaloos have erected a giant paper upon which the Ants player ratings have been written, with the hopes that the Great God Simon will sim his blessings upon them.

Filled with optimism, what do you do next?

(Turn to page 20 to trade Norm a legit top six forward)

(Turn to page 49 to trade Norm a defensive forward)

(Turn to page 33 to trade Norm a new #1 goalie)

(Turn to page 22 to abandon all hope, and trudge over to the cemetery)

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