(Tony)-Of course! Belly, pole, lap....(Mike) - STOP, STOP! (Tony) - What? You asked, I told you. I can't help that I'm incredibly agile for my age. (Mike) - At YOUR AGE you shouldn't even be THINKING about Belly Dancing, let alone DOING it. (Tony) - What, c'mon, there's a lot of GREAT belly dancers out there. You seen some of the sack celebrations this year in the NFL? (Doo doo doo DOO DOO DOOOO DOO DOO, Doo doo doo DOO DOO DOOOO DOO DOO)
(Tony)- Welcome to PTI boys and girls, the show that shows how Henry Skey doesn't care about copyright infringement, trademark issues or potential lawsuits. There's lots to talk about, including the rise of the Cougars, the fall of the Riders and of course, Mike's favorite, Twitter Beef! WE GOT BEEF! But we begin today with the league's top two teams, the Schooners and the Aces. Both had tremendous weeks, scoring identical records of 6-1-0. They're both tops in their respective conferences and have among the highest goal differential, but for wildly different reasons. Mike, which of these two teams impresses you more?
(Mike) - Both. BOTH of them impress me. (Tony) - THAT'S NOT THE QUESTION! (Mike) - Alright fine, the Schooners do. (Tony) - WHY? (Mike) - I'm gonna tell you why. DEFENSE. WINS. CHAMPIONSHIPS. You look at their goals against and you think there has been a TYPO or something. 15 goals against 12 games is STUPID and they're easily one of the best teams in the league on team defense, right there with their rivals the Golden Bears, but for my money, it's the Schooners. (Tony) - I'm going with the Aces and here's why. This team was in disarray at the Summit. Fellow GMs were making FUN of Dustin because he didn't have a first round pick, he didn't have any money, and all his players were old and washed up. Well, who's washed up now? They're 10-2 and have the BEST offence in the league. Mikael Granlund is playing like Wayne Gretzky, and Wayne Simmons is playing like another Wayne I just mentioned. And who do they have in net? Carey Price. I rest my case. (Mike) - It's still early Ton, and I cannot WAIT to see these two see-saw for 1-2 in the power rankings throughout the rest of the year. (Tony) - Don't tell them that, they think there's a curse!
(Mike) - Let's move on now to the SICHL reigning champions, the Fire Ants. Norm Donovan, your boy...(Tony - true), went 6-1 these past few weeks and had the biggest goal differential out of any teams, including a BEAT down of the division rivals Boston and Kansas City. Ton, what do you think of Philadelphia's chances of repeating? (Tony) - I think they're good, they're in a weaker conference (Mike - OH STOP!), what? They ARE! This goes on year after year after year, the World Conference is the easier road because you don't have to contend with the Golden Bears. You don't! And they're healthy, and they're scoring and they have Mike Green playing like Bobby Orr. (Mike) - The Fire Ants living up to their name. (Tony) - Don't forget the Rules of Acquisition! (Mike) - OH THE RULES OF ACQUISITION, CAN'T FORGET ABOUT THE RULES OF ACQUISITION! (Tony) - They are the BASIS OF SUCCESS AND THEY WON LAST YEAR. (Mike) - THEY DIDN'T WIN BECAUSE OF THE RULES OF ACQUISITION (Tony) - YES THEY DID. YES THEY DID.
(Mike) - Here's my rule of acquisition, Tony should SHUT UP. (Tony) - RULE OF ACQUISITION NUMBER (Mike) - NO NO NO, NO MORE. I can't take it. Let's talk about the Mustangs and their own recent acquisition. In a much lauded move, they got Evander Kane from the Hamburglars for a modest price, but he only has 5 goals in 12 games and 1 assist. Ton - is Kane going to take a while fitting in, or is this the player Calgary should have expected? (Tony) - I don't know what you're complaining about, he's second on the team in goals, is a plus player and has two game winning goals. He's going to get a GREAT re-rate based on his play in that other league, and Matt didn't give up that much! (Mike) - DIDN'T GIVE UP THAT MUCH? Have you SEEN Sokolov's stats in junior? (Tony) - HE's NINETEEN, Mike, he's a man playing among boys, there's no indication him or Wallmark are going to make any kind of impact, this was a good move.
It wouldn't be a power rankings without us talking about the New England Patriots of the SICHL, the Golden Bears. Why are they the Patriots, you ask? That's easy. They win all the time, and they're the envy of the league for the last ten years. After a slow start, the Golden Bears have rocketed up the standings and power rankings with a 6-=1 record, giving up a miniscule 11 goals in 7 games. Mike are the Bears here to stay? (Mike) - I WISH you were talking about the Chicago Bears, but yes! Tony, yes! You gonna bet AGAINST Guy? (Tony - No, never) EXACTLY. And I don't care they didn't win last year, until somebody BEATS THEM, like what happened last year, they're my favorite every year. Look at their depth. BROCK BOESER isn't even in their lineup yet.
This next team makes me sick. (Tony - they're GREAT). The Havana Revolution, the so called class of the World, staggered a bit with a 5-3 record. That's not too bad, but when you hit the number 1 ranking AND BRAG ABOUT NOT BELIEVING IN THE CURSE, this is what the SIM does to you. Tony, should Jeff keep his mouth shut on Twitter? (Tony) - I hope not! He's one of the most entertaining GMs out there. He is SINGLE HANDEDLY starting feuds, which is what the commish wants. He's got one hell of a team, is going to EMBARASS somebody in the first round and I don't know why the Gladiators are trash talking for, they're NOTHING this year. NOTHING. (Mike) - Oh, NOTHING? Like being in the finals two out of the last four year (Tony - MIKE THEY LOST) I don't care. Leave the Hamburglars alone, what did they ever do to Havana?
FINALLY, we can talk about a GM after our own hearts, our good friend Doug. (Tony - LOVE DOUG). Doug, one of the original members of the SICHL is, once again, having success. Never mind him dropping 3 spots, his team is 6th overall in points, has a plus 11 goal differential, scores a ton and has an absolutely lethal powerplay (Tony - not as lethal as Whitehorse!)...we'll get to them. But many are surprised that the Wheat Kings are still getting it done. Tony, why can Doug do this despite not following the league trend of snagging high end draft picks year after year? (Tony) - That's easy, because Doug is the all time greatest at free agent signings. Has to be. This year was the first year he had a 1st round pick in AGES and he's still tops of the league. Look at his ROSTER, he's got depth for days, a pretty darned good defense...Wait a minute, HOW IS DERYK ENGELLAND a 92 DF. WHAT IS WITH THIS LEAGUE? I swear, Doug is Neo to our Matrix here. (Mike) - He's a superhero Tony, that's the only explanation. Time for a quick commercial break but when we're back, we're going to find out WHAT'S THE WORD for Tom and Matt's family feud? (Tony) - Perfect timing for family feuds, it's Thanksgiving!
(Tony) - In a segment where I dominate all the time due to my English degree...that's DOCTOR KORNHEISER to you, by the way (Mike - I'm never calling you that), we find out WHAT'S THE WORD, FIRST! (Announcer) - Matt and Tom's online digital competition in fantasy leagues is BLANK
(Tony) - It's SHAKESPEAREAN (ding!). Tom's team has never quite had the success that Matt's had in both fantasy football and hockey, but don't count out Tom just yet. His Cougars were the BEST team in the league (Mike - say that again), that's right, the BEST team in the league in the last few weeks, going 6-0-1. They are red hot, hence the jump. (Mike) - I'm gonna go with PO-MACKIAN (ding!) that's a new word I'm creating for when a father and son DOMINATE others through their patience, study and good looks and that's what they've done. Have you ever seen anybody as good at everything as Matt MacInnis? (Tony - well, except winning the SICHL finals) OK OK, and how about Tom consistently winning his Curling A final Port Hardy Mixed Curling championship. He's at a BONSPIEL right now and I don't even know what that is. (Tony) - NEXT!
(Announcer) - Next up, the word for the Express and Canons surprise start is BLANK. (Mike) - I can't say surprising can I? How about SHOCKING (ding!). It is SHOCKING to me how wrong the pre-season pundits, those dopes, are every year when looking at the Canons and the Express. What, did they forget that Mark runs the league? Or that Corey's JOB is to assess and watch hockey every single day? What a bunch of stupid prognosticators, get those pre-season rankings out of here!
(Tony) - I hate to say I agree with you, but I agree with you. The word is UNSURPRISING (ding!). The Canons lost Kopitar, and yet they're still in the top 10 in standings. Just look at Dubynk's stats so far - 8 games played, 1.82 GAA And a 0.941 Save percentage. Those are MVP type numbers, and how the Express have MARK LETESTU as their top scorer, I'll never know, but he has 3 power play goals and Krejci isn't far behind. Think Mark wants McAvoy from the Hamburglars? Wait until the Express are REALLY good and they'll be salivating for that extra dman to win them the championship.
(Announcer) - Last one! The word for the Slammers and Rapids special team performances are BLANK. (Mike) - They're IRRELEVANT (ding!) Tony, did you see that study that was recently published about special teams, basically saying that it doesn't MATTAH if you're number 1 on the powerplay or PK, if you don't win the games, it doesn't matter, so it's irrelevant.
(Tony) - HAVE YOU GONE CRAZY? What, next you're going to say GOALS don't matter? That teams should get together and just hash out their differences over tea? The word is CENTURIAN, since their ST% scores are both over 100. Look, the Rapids are in new territory here (Mike - they are). They've been an expansion team up until this point and now they're a potential playoff team. This is a great start for them and I can't wait to see how they do. The Slammers...(Mike) - The Slammers are led by the CHAMPIONSHIP WINNING GM PAT BOOTH, some of our younger listeners may not know this, but Pat knows what he's doing. And even in an "off" year, he'll say it's an off year, not me, They're 13th in the league and if they were in the World Conference, they'd have a playoff spot. (Tony) - A-HA! YOU ADMIT THE WORLD CONFERENCE STINKS (Mike) - I didn't admit anything!!! I'm just stating facts! Just because there isn't the I-95 in Europe and anywhere else outside North America, you don't pay attention. You can't even stay awake for some of the games! (Tony - I'm almost SEVENTY, you want me to wake up at 3 am and watch Reykjavik play Stockholm???) I've had enough, let's end this segment. This whole debate was LOUSY (ding!). Next up, we have our very special guest to discuss some of the more...middling teams in the SICHL. That's a hint, Tony. (Tony) - Oh good, because I wasn't aware we had a guest on our show in the next segment or anything. (Mike) - I should start calling you Dr. SARCASM...
(Tony) - There is nobody we like more than GM Henry Skey of the Hamburg Gladiators, but the league said that was a violation of ethics so instead we have our longtime friend Charles Barkley, who is a big hockey fan, to join us here in the studio in Edmonton. Charles, with the Supersonics underperforming, do you see GM Mike Franceschini making any moves? (Charles) - No, I don't, Tony. I know Mike, he's a capable guy and a friend of mine, but I will say that he is...a little tired that his players aren't performing the way that they should. This should be one of the best teams in the league, they've got tons of scoring, a d-line that would make most NFL teams jealous, and Cam Talbot. Now, they're on the rise having gone 4-1-1 in their last six games, but there's more games to be played.
(Mike) - Now, Charles, I know you'll side with me when you say Special Teams aren't everything (Tony - DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, CHUCK!!!) but Whitehorse has, by FAR, the best powerplay in the league...but they're sitting 15th in the rankings! (Charles laughs) - Maybe, I mean maybe they need more spa days (Mike and Tony both laugh), I know Don has been on Twitter everyday communicating to his team and his fans what's going on, but it is a surprise to see them so low in the standings, they just had a rough couple of weeks I'm confident they'll bounce back.
(Tony) - Charles, what do you make of Vancouver and Dublin? They also seem to be one step forward, one step back. They're always on the cusp of the playoffs. Do you see either of them making the final 16 this year?
(Charles) - I do, and here's why. Both Bryce and Ryan are not afraid to make deals. Ryan was one of the more aggressive GMs at the summit in terms of making deals and improving his team. Not all his trades may seem to make sense right way, but you can't deny that he's turned this team into a potential playoff team from a potential embarrassment. As for Vancouver...that's a tough one, they're so close each year and always go on a big run. I think this is the year they make their push, they've got Rickard Rakell's 91 SC and a ton of young players that will help them out. I do think Cory Schneider's unfair OV rating will hurt them, though.
(Mike) - Alright Charles, Mr. Round Mound of Rebound, we'll get you out of here on this - are there any teams that you just love to watch? (Charles) - YES! The Spartans. Sean is so fun to talk to and listen to when you're watching the game, he's always pointing out new things for me to appreciating, and his team is always exciting because...well, you never know if they're going to be amazing or turrible. (Mike and Tony laugh).
(Charles) - Gary's Colonials also...man, what a crazy time for them. I love Gary's spirit on Twitter, but he's gotta be careful. Henry is a spiteful, pathetic man and if you insult him on Twitter, he may have a word with the league and put you WAY down on the rankings, which of course can have a negative impact on team morale. Watch for the Colonials, maybe on Twitter as well as in the standings.
(Mike and Tony) - Thank you Charles! (Charles) - Thanks guys, see you on the golf course! (Tony) - We'll be right back with our final segment, including a look at the upstart Barons and the downstart Krunch. (Mike) - How good is Charles? (Tony) - As long as you're not talking about his golf swing, he's the best. (Mike) - OHHHH don't start that now, c'mon.
(Mike) - We're nearing the end of the show folks, but we FORGOT to talk about the Brno Barons. Tony, the Barons are all of a sudden the talk of the league. While they're not super high in the standings, they're red hot with a 4-1-1 record. Looking at this lineup...how is this possible? (Tony) - I would say it's their schedule, because they destroyed London, but they also beat the Cougars and took the Fire Ants to extra time and eventually losing in a shootout. Look, Brno is getting better, but London isn't. They weren't the worse, but they weren't good enough. GM Michael gave up a lot to get Nolan Patrick and it's going to be a while before that pays off. (Mike) - You think he trades Ovechkin? (Tony) - Not this year. Next year.
If the CN tower wobbles, and nobody is watching the Metropolitans, does this transition line make any sense? The Metropolitans, one of two new teams this year (love that logo, by the way Mike - LOVE IT!) are mildly exceeding expectations. Mike, they're 4-7-1 and aren't the worst in the league like their expansion cousins. Should they want to be? (Mike) - No. NO! Look, they're going to get a good draft position regardless with that lineup, but they should try and WIN as much as possible to get butts in seats and to show the city of Toronto that just because the Titans are gone, hockey isn't in the city of Toronto. I like what Chris has done so far and I can't wait to see more. (Tony) - I'd like to see them pick up some more draft picks in 2018, wouldn't you? (Mike) - Definitely, Foligno has great trade value as does JVR and Corey Crawford.
(Mike) - Last one before our final segment, Tony the poor Krunch. THIS WAS THE YEAR - they spent money on free agents, dipping into their massive bank reserves, they got the number one overall pick in Nico Hischier, they got TARASENKO and GETZLAF and they're 23rd. What's going on here, Tony? (Tony) - I wish I knew. Look, it's still early, and there's no way Kirk's team ends up 23rd in the next set of rankings. They're going to improve, but it is outlandish to me that NICK LEDDY is their top scorer, followed by Zack Smith and Kevin Hayes. Tarasenko and Getzlaf will wake up eventually and remember that they're Tarasenko and Getzlaf. Until that happens though, Kansas City will have to be more patient. (Mike) - Think they make a trade for some more defense? (Tony) - This is a new Kirk, he just might! Last commercial break, then we're hitting up Happy Trails and our big finish.
(Tony) - Happy trails to Sheetal! The long serving GM of the Chicago Tigers is heading out east to pursue a new venture in life. I know I can speak for all the West Coast GMs when I say best of luck, and please take care of Kyle Turris. Probably a few errors, but we don't have a stat boy today, so let's go to the big finish!
(Mike) - Let's do it! You know there are FEW GMs that are as crafty as Sheetal, but I'm not sure the SIM agrees. The RIDAHS, your BOYS, are now 22nd in the entire league and were 27th in the last few weeks, what is going on here? Is this going to last? (Tony) - No chance, look at that forward core, too good, this happened last year, they'll bounce back. The Millionaires now just have 1 win in their last 7 games, is this cause for concern, Mike?
(Mike) - It would be, if Kasim's goal was to win this year, which it's not. So no, no concern. They got some scoring though! (Tony) - They do.
The Gladiators, target of Twitter Beef like never before, are in TWENTY SEVENTH in the league, Mike! They were in the FINALS a few years ago, what is going on? (Mike) - Everybody knew this was going to happen, every single person in Hamburg and it's going to get worse, before it gets better.
That's all the time we have for today on our program, thank you for tuning in, you can catch the podcast on iTunes, and have a HAPPY THANKSGIVING! (Tony) - Good night, Banff! I know you already had your Thanksgiving but (the show ends mid sentence)