That's not quite what I meant, but thank you private.
No, I'm more interested in the reports of each of our 28 teams. What have they done? What are they doing? Where are they going? Who's on first (line)? And, most importantly, what are their resolutions for the New Year? I mean, I really should just put "play like the Slammers, Norsemen and Fire Ants" but that would make for a boring Power Rankings. You all know that's just not my style. Let's go!
In all the times I've done these rankings, I don't think I've ever had Matt's Norsemen as number 1. It's been a long time coming. Fresh off his dominant Fantasy Football league victory, Matt is kicking ass in all facets. His resolution is to go buy a lottery ticket because everything this guy touches is turning to gold.
Norm's resolution is simply the Ferengi Rule of Acquisition Number 2, in honor of his second place finish in this week's rankings - The best deal is the one that makes the most profit. Norm, best keep that in mind when you trade me your best players for money! (checks Finances) Never mind, I don't have any money!
What goes up, must come down...slightly. Pat's Slammers have come down to Earth a little bit, but hardly worth panicking over. Pat's resolution is to ensure his powerplay matches the rest of his team's dominance.
Alright, hands up, who though Corey's resolution would be to be ranked 4th this week(s), and be tied for 3rd overall in the entire league. Just what I thought, nobody. Me either.
Guy's resolution is continue to hoard assets better than any GM in the history of anything. Since as of Jan 1st at 12:01am he'd already done that, his other resolution is to climb the ranks on this, ahem, "disappointing" first third of the season.
Sylvain's resolution is to keep beating the league's top teams. The Slammers, Fire Ants and Mustangs have already fallen at least once, it's still no surprise to see the Riders riding high. Have you SEEN how many good young forwards he has? It's enough to make a mediocre GM sick.
Matt's resolution is to get some scoring punch! He's great at keeping goals out, but considering his record, he needs more goals. He's 5th overall in points, but 13th in league scoring. Kane isn't exactly having a bad season, but 17 points in 26 games aren't MVP numbers.
Eric's resolution is to stop losing to Kasim and Guy, because I know nothing annoys him more. Actually, I know several things that annoy him more - Kirby ledge hogging, losing in Goldeneye/Perfect Dark (this never happens), the plight of the Avalanche and strata nonsense.
Watch out for the Huskies. They're currently on a five game win streak, haven't lost more than two in a row all game, Price is on fire...Don's only resolution is to hope Victor Hedman gets back soon! And he will!
Jeff's resolution is to stop being a stupid moron with an ugly face and a big butt and his butt smells and he likes to kiss his own butt. (but also he should go on another six game win streak, crushing the Canons and Riders among others!)
Aside from yesterday, Kirk's last regulation loss came nearly 20 days ago and is one of the league's hottest teams. He's beaten some REALLY good teams too, like the Mustangs and Norsemen. Looks like that first few power rankings really lit a fire under the Krunch. You're welcome, Kirk!
The Aces don't deserve to be dropped this low, but Dustin's resolution should be to find that oven mitt, sorry, I mean a hot hand. The Aces haven't gone on their trademark big win streaks, but don't have any trouble losing a few in a row.
Michael's resolution is a stiff upper lip! No matter the problems, the Monarchs never fail to lose their composure and composition, having never lost more than two in a row all season.
Bob's resolution is to find a cloning machine and copy Boedker several times over. 22 points in 26 games, 3 power play goals and only 2 penalty minutes. Abdelkader sounds like they tried to copy Boedker, got it wrong, and as a result he has 42 penalty minutes.
Gary's resolution is to continue doing whatever he did on Day 19 - the great turnaround of this season. From a basement dweller to a playoff team, Boston might as well celebrate Day 19 as a city wide holiday.
Mark's resolution is to fix the powerplay, league worst at 4.17%. Looking at everything else - balanced scoring, mostly everybody is a plus, goaltending looks steady...yup, the powerplay is to blame for the Express not being any higher. Mark, fix that!
Sean's resolution is to not forget the meat of the sandwich! An incredible start, a putrid middle, and another great few stretches mean the Spartans are chowing down on some modicum of success!
Henry's resolution is to beg the sim to remember that Henry's team is awful and that Turris should come back soon and no, don't suspend Paul Gaustad, I have enough trouble at Center as it is.
Bryce's resolution should be to forget his awful start. Since his first win, he's gone 10-3-3 and is steadily climbing the ranks. But is his rise...sustainable?
Tom's resolution is to somehow improve his overtime and shootout game. He has a league high 7 loser points! If even one of those had resulted in a win, he'd be in the playoffs right now.
Sam's resolution is to improve upon his 26th best powerplay, converting at 8.25%. Otherwise, the Rapids could very well find themselves in the playoff hunt come late season.
Doug's resolution is to start Jhonas Enroth EVERY SINGLE GAME. 4-1-2, 1.64 GAA and a 0.941 save percentage. Sure, small sample size, but holy hell what a statline.
Michel's resolution is to get back to the winning ways of earlier in the season. The Falcons don't deserve to be dropped 10 places, but they haven't won more than a single game in a row for nearly a month and other teams are getting hot.
Sheetal's resolution is to cut his losing streaks from three in a row to two in a row. The Tigers don't believe in anything but streaks - he's had 8 streaks of both wins and losses so far.
Ryan has a few resolutions - number 1, get his team to play like his special teams are playing, which is passable. Secondly, get Martin Jones' save percentage above 0.900. Note that I have no idea how people are going to fulfill these resolutions.
Kasim's resolution is to have less six game win streaks and more three game losing streaks, if he wants to stay the course and continue to build up his expansion team. The signs are there though - nobody can take a night off against the Millionaires. Just ask the Gladiators, Canons, Schooners, Golden Bears, etc.
Well, it's a start! Mike's resolution is for Cory Schneider to have a save percentage above 0.884. Yuck (and I can empathize!) I still think this is some cosmic joke, have you seen Mike's lineup? I'd trade it for mine in a heartbeat and many other GMs would too.
Derrick's resolution is to fill his scheduled with good teams. He may be least, but he's beaten the Express, the Riders and the 4th ranked Canons TWICE.